I end this year with sadness― for all the people who have suffered from racial injustice; lost their homes to fires; lost their jobs; or lost loved ones to COVID-19. I end this year with fatigue― as I had to play the important roles of mother, teacher, wife, daughter, friend, manager, chef, and maid…all in a 24-hour period…7 days a week. I end it with a deeper recognition of my privilege and a personal challenge to change what I can and try to make the world a better and more equitable place. I look forward to the new year with strength, purpose, and hope.
But it ain’t easy. This year was hard. I didn’t do that bathroom remodel I planned to do. Or write that memoir. I survived. Plague, fires, recession, racial and political uprising… homeschooling! Existentially felt like the end of the world.
In 2020, we saw the worst of humanity. We witnessed systematic hatred, bigotry, incomprehensible violence, and a pandemic that led to an unfathomable number of deaths worldwide. But we also saw the best of humanity. We saw people jump into action to help those less fortunate. We saw people rise up; reinforcing their collective voices to drown out the darkness. Despite sheltering in place and mandated physical separation, we found ways to come together. Despite the hardships and atrocities we’ve seen or experienced this year, we’ve been forced to look within and discover gratitude for what we do have.
I’m grateful to have had more quality time with my kids and my husband. Seeing my children first struggle with their new virtual world, then thrive. Children are so adaptable. We can learn so much from their tenacity and resilience and I am grateful to have voyaged through this year by their tiny sides. I am grateful for the health and safety of my loved ones. I am grateful for my husband for being a trusted teammate, confidant, and constant companion; especially on the days where I really needed a laugh. I am grateful my home was saved from the unforgiving fires that tore their way through the Santa Cruz mountains; spared from the fire’s wrath by less than 3 miles. And I’m beyond grateful for the brave firefighters who risked their lives to save it. I’m grateful for a more flexible schedule. One that allowed me space to do more art with my kids or go for a midday run. I am grateful for my brilliant team at work. This year, I was able to really get to know them and virtually connect in the most fortuitously beautiful way. Seeing them thrive in the darkest times has helped me stay motivated. For me, gratitude has permeated the darkness.
No one could have predicted the unrelenting storm of this year. But we are adapting. We are surviving. And there is light at the end of the tunnel. Up in the hills of La Honda, there is a sea of bright, fresh green. And beyond into the Santa Cruz Mountains, there’s new redwood growth and breathing oak trees erupting through the charred woods. “In order to rise from its own ashes, a phoenix first must burn.” ― Octavia Butler, Parable of the Talents
Hi, I'm Tanya. 